November 4 Photos

Make sure you check the new page labeled photos at the top of the page. This page includes recently updated photos from our bedroom "dungeon".
http://submissivepet247.blogspot.com/p/photos_04.html

November 4

It's FRIDAY finally! The start of a great weekend, following a great week. Master and I have engaged in wonderful conversation, "play time", and our personal intimate time this week. Each day that passes I feel more comfortable in my decision to think positively.

It is the beginning of what is promising to be a very long winter. We have already seen below zero temperatures in this area. The animals enjoy going outside for very short bursts but that is about all we can handle. I know that in the months coming we will start to get restless and feel like we need something to keep our minds occupied.

Our collection of toys and equipment is coming along wonderfully. We have purchased enough chain lengths for 2 submissive pets. Master seems to enjoy playing with chain. The mere anticipation of the freezing (remember Alaska), silver metal touching my skin makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand, my pelvic area also tends to tingle just a bit.

November 3

The positive atmosphere is beginning to surround my friends and family. I have been working on craft projects to keep my mind busy. Making handmade personalized floggers is becoming a hobby of mine.  I enjoy picking out the handles and feeling the different materials I could use for the lengths. Color combinations and choices swirl around in my head. I feel like I could wander the craft store for hours.
Today, I also started the process for enrolling into college. Filling our applications and forms made me feel like I was back in high-school.

August 29 2001

8/29/2011

And now looking back there are so many signs. The way he was constantly pissed that I kept my body from him at night time should have been a clue. After our initial conversation, the first command he made was that I was never to “cocoon” myself in my covers at night time. I was to keep my body available to him. He had complained about my hair during our entire marriage, and when the subject rose of appearance control, he immediately commented that my hair was to never be gathered at the top of my head any more. He prefers it down, but a pony tail is acceptable if necessary.

It was a horrible day for me. I was awoken by the ringing of the door bell. I had no concept of time or place. I was in a trance as I ran to the door to see my bitchy neighbor there. She was making sure my daughter had gotten in the house ok since she had been locked out. I had slept the day away. I felt useless and ashamed. I could not even accomplish the simplest task as getting out of bed in the morning. When Daddy got home from work that evening there was a strange calm about him. Something was different, but I could not put my finger on it. He started up the steps to change as he always does and called me behind him. In our room he told me to lean over the bed. I expected him to climb on top and rub his cock on my ass, what I got was 5 HARD smacks with my plastic hair brush. I cried and he didn’t show any sort of guilt. In fact, he showed a glint of pleasure.

September 5 2001

9/5/2001

Master says when he puts His collar around my neck things are going to change. He says there will be consequences if I don’t obey his orders. Just the mere thought of him saying these things makes my body quiver in anticipation.

I should give a little bit of history before going any further. It’s been 8 years since Steve and I have been married, we have 3 children and 2 dogs, the whole 9 yards.  We married very shortly after the end of my Book 1 journals. We met online and married very quickly after. It was less than 4 months of living together before we made it official.

We have lived a very “vanilla” life. We’ve done lots of traveling and have spent time building our life and family together. He is a wonderful father, husband, and friend. He has been an amazing lover, always paying close attention to my wants and needs.

After living with my submissiveness buried for years, I finally took the plunge and talked with him honestly about my feelings. I was absolutely horrified that he would think I was disgusting. I was preparing myself for him to be totally turned off. I thought for sure he would go running when I told him that I needed him to dominate me in all aspects of my life.

August 28 2001

8/28/2011

Sitting here thinking, while the babies are sleeping, about the diagnosis I left the hospital with. Over 10 years, and one prior trip to the mental ward, I have never come home with an actual diagnosis.

Axis II personality disordersI

Cluster B
Personality Disorders
People with Cluster B Personality Disorders tend to act in Dramatic, Emotional and Erratic fashion. People with Cluster B disorders tend to have difficulty with impulsive behavior, they often violate social norms, and act out. They can be self-abusive and hostile to others. Personality disorders.

Borderline Personality Disorder (301.83)
Emotional and Interpersonal Instability
Rapid mood swings between ups and downs
Reacting strongly to separations
No clear goals or direction
Inconsistent
Frequently considers self-harm

http://ivy_league0.tripod.com/rhyme_of_the_ancient_wanderer/id20.html

The more I read about the doctor’s diagnosis, the more I agreed. I definitely have mood swings and I have always been very inconsistent and indecisive.

Do you ever get lost inside your own mind and don’t know how long you are there? You can’t tell how much time has elapsed without looking at a clock? There are times when I am alone, I have complete memories and conversations in my head. If I don’t use some sort of clock or tv show as a timer, sometimes I feel as if I wouldn’t know how long I had been sitting, laying, or picking. (which I will get into at a later time) Maybe, all these things tie into the “diagnonsense”.

August 27 2001

Let’s go back a few weeks.

8/27/2011

I have decided to start my daily journal again. It has been years since I have sat down and collected my thoughts on paper.  (electronic paper?) I just got home from the hospital. I decided that I needed a little break and change of meds and put myself in 2 days ago.

I am the sort of person that knows when I need help and it was not the first time I had requested the help of a loved one. I have lived on and off meds since I was 18. Going to the doctor and talking about my problems just seems like a normal part of life now.

Once I was in there, I wanted out quickly. The food sucked, the people were weird and I missed my babies.  The hospital here in Alaska was not as crowded or diverse as the one in Florida. It was more intimate and I got much more one on one time. After 2 days there, and plenty of time to think and speak about my inner issues, the doctor wrote my discharge paperwork. He finally changed my medicine, which had been needed for many years now.

November 2

I have decided that the "theme" of the month will be happiness and family. There has been so much negativity in our lives lately, we could use a break. I have found that setting myself small goals works well. I am going to try to focus on the positive things in my life. The view up here in the northern country has changed to white. White is the color of positive energy. Each time I look outside, I will remember my goal and smile.

November 1

It's the beginning of a new month. My goal this month is to keep my thoughts and feelings positive. I am exploring my relationship with my Sir and polyamory. Sir is showing a little hesitation, but the prospect of "her" moving in is extremely exciting to me. I am beginning to think about craft ideas and photo ops for the upcoming holiday season.
Sir and I have begun to expand our friendship base and have started attending parties and "munches" with like minded individuals. Our trust level rises with each day that passes. I trust my Sir to know what is right and wrong for my children and I. He is growing as a man with every "yes, Sir" received and disciplinary action he gives.
Since entering this new world of voyerism, pleasure, pain, respect and much misunderstanding, I have decided that I would like another woman in our family. As much as it sounds sexual, and believe me I know it does, to me the decision is not about sex. It is more about family and love and raising my kids to the best of my abilities. It is about taking care of my Sir to the best possible extent of my possibilities. Having another woman in our family would not only be an opportunity for me to make a life long friend, but for my children to have another Aunt. This also presents the opportunity for homeschooling, jobs, and the ability to move for our Sir if  necessary.        

September 15 2011

an unnamed pet

Master was very upset with me this morning. I was not supposed to go to sleep in the extra room. It was strictly forbidden the night before by Sir.  I tried to get into bed, but my mind was still racing with thoughts at that point. I only planned to close my eyes for one second, then just one minute.  My plan was obviously flawed, considering I was yelled at pretty extensively this morning. The yelling was completely deserved since I am so lazy and took an extremely long time to get out of my bed and wake up. Master was getting to the point of anger when I could finally drag my ass out of that bed after a mere 3 hours sleep.

I finally got my butt into gear but not before being commanded to pull one card. Master had left an entire list of things for me to get done today and left the consequence on pulling 3 cards if my chores were not accomplished.  After having to pull the first card for getting a late start I finally got in gear and got nearly ALL my chores finished before His scheduled arrival time. Thirty minutes prior to 6, I looked up from the kitchen sink to see Master standing there taking off his uniform shirt. “hi Baby” I mouthed, and he just smiled. I think he knows how much I really love to be surprised deep down.

This evening i was made to mop the kitchen floor while topless. I did receive a few good lashes from his belt because I told him I did not feel punished by this task. He whipped my tits. One at a time, giving both breasts 2 nice lashes with the belt.  He then ordered me to turn, which I hesitated to do at first. I think this angered him a bit. When the lash came, it was powerful across the very bottom of my rump. Once again, my Master had produced tears in his slave. He asked me if I felt punished enough now, to which I could not even answer. I crawled quickly over to him and he hugged me and smoothed my hair.

Later that night, while in bed I asked Master what I should call him around other people. Its not like im going to be crawling around on the floor naked in front of the children or when we have guests. I needed to know what Daddy wanted me to call him because Daddy didn’t really seem appropriate either. Baby, he said. You will say yes Baby. That and Daddy is of course always acceptable. After a few more moments of his scratching my back, I curiously asked what He would call me.  His answer did not shock me but it perhaps should have. We are going to treat you like the pilots. I don’t believe you have earned a name yet. We will give you a name when you earn one.  To my Master, I am not good enough, yet, even for a name. I hope than I can please Him quickly so that I may have the privilege of being named by my Daddy.