To be Trained

Definition of train  

vb

1. (tr) to guide or teach (to do something), as by subjecting to various exercises or experiences to train a man to fight

2. (tr) to control or guide towards a specific goal to train a plant up a wall

3. (intr) to do exercises and prepare for a specific purpose the athlete trained for the Olympics

4. (tr) to improve or curb by subjecting to discipline to train the mind

5. (tr) to focus or bring to bear (on something) to train a telescope on the moon

What does it mean to train a person? What does it mean when a person says i want you to train me?  Is it possible to train a person? Am i trainable? How do we decide who even has the correct mind set to be a Dom or sub, Master or slave, top or bottom. How do we decide between the bottom and the top?

To say that you are a trained slave seems impossible. To me, this would mean you would be able to serve any Master/Mistress at any given time and make Him/Her pleased. 

I think saying i am xx's trained slaved would make more sense. I think, i am sub to xx would also work. 

Yes, Masters share and flog others subs but at home would you really be trained for that Sir's particular wants or needs? I believe each couples train differently, this is why i love this lifestyle. Being able to be "different" is an amazing right we have.

December 15 2011

So, this girl who thought she had thick skin that didn't mark easily realizes now, the marks do not matter as much as the body aching and a deep bruising that shows up days later. I have wonderful aches on my thighs and butt. Either a full body massage or another full body flogging is needed.
Master and i worked on a new contract last night. My Master is not very happy with my attitude or sarcasm lately. I have been practicing being more polite and not as overbearing. The problem is i have a naturally dominant personality. Submissiveness does not come naturally to me but the urge to submit is to strong to ignore. My Sir may be using gags more than i had hoped.

an amazing weekend was had

I'll start out by saying being flogged by a large group of people is probably one of my top fantasies come true, and it did.  Before I requested of my Sir that I be flogged by more than just him, I should have thought what could come out of it. As the party began, my Sir got me up on the cross nude. My Sir had arranged a little lesson on flog techniqe and riding crops. As my Sir and the other Master flogged my back from each side i began so lose the sound of them talking. I believe my friends Sir took a break and allowed her to take over for a bit. The longer I stood there on the cross, the more anxious i got. I could hear them taking and feel them touching my backside. I have been told all my life i have thick skin. When the riding crop lesson began i knew my behind was about to feel some severe pain. It was quite painful,  but no marks were left.

After a nice smoke break and cool down mentally session, i wandered around and poked my head into all the rooms to see what everyone was doing. As i walked into the waxing and saw a cute submissive girl getting the wax peeled off with a knife. Her face looked so scared, i just knew i had to try this and see why it scared her so much. Without too many words spoken it was arainged by my Sir that i be waxed next.

The wax felt amazing pouring all over my body. After, a few moments of warmth being dripped onto my body, i started feeling tiny cold drops. It was the blonde Mistress with the ice. She smiled so brightly as i jumped from the cold. After being completely covered with was it was time for removal. My Sir and the other Master looked so delighted as the grabbed for their knives. The clean up was easy, but took quite a long time. 

With less than an hour of down time i was being called by my Daddy again. I had cuffs put on my wrists and was told i had 10 minutes to prepare myself. (usually for me this means a quick bowl, or pee) I walked into the center of the room and was stripped of all my clothes. My arms were clipped up above my head to some hanging chain. Sir did a very good job at making the height adjustment just right, so that i could stand or lean comfortably. I stood there for awhile feeling anxious,nervous, and excited all at the same time. I looked over and saw Daddy chatting with another friend and he was opening his toy bags. Daddy stood before me and started lightly flogging my belly and breasts. I heard Him behind me and got my self nice and ready. He started out nice and easily but progrossively got more intentense, even pull out large paddles. 

All the while more and more floggers are hitting my body. i kept my eyes open and turned to look at a few people, but i we in another place in my head. Once again the words like thick skin, and pain slut were being said. As soon as i came out of my space, i looked around, took two more hits from the paddle and called STOP.

As quick as i could say the word all swinging stopped. My Daddy immediately came and started uncuffing my wrists. my hands were numb and cold. i was cold and a little woozy and did not really know what to say to anyone. I got lots of hugs and light pinches with "you did a great job baby", from most of the participants. I wanted my blanket and a cigarrette with a semi comfortable place to sit. A friend found me a blanket, even pink, and it was an amazing place to be in. Almost like basking in the after glow of sex. 

Cigarrette and some coffee later i was told by my Sir that i was to be ready to be strung up. The Master who would be doing the tying was ready to go at that point and gave the answer no when i asked if i had time for another cigarette. So, there i stood being wrapped with hemp rope that was not at all comfortable. It was not soft and i would wish for. When i was finally fully suspended by the rope there was great look of delight around the room. I asked that a shot be snapped of this, and and was granted that request. Before i knew it the relentless Mistresses had their floggers out again. Biting at my previously flogged breasts, these stung just that little bit more, almost biting at my skin.The Mistresses smile at you while torturing you which is a whole new world for me.  I let them play with me for a little while and i'm sure daddy flogged me again. At, this point details are blurry. It was the ropes fault, i could not handle the pain of the rope against my skin. My Sir and the Master who tied me got me down very quickly and just checked me over to make sure i was okay, then the rope got to get taken off. This part goes much quicker than putting it on but still a long daunting task i am sure. 

coffee...cigarette....car....smoke

rythmicly and warmed my legs and cheeks up really quickly. He gave me a good long spanking with my Sir watching. I think there was someone else in the room, i could not see. When the spanking was over there were smiles all around so i guess it was exciting to watch. 

I never really considered myself having a high pain tolerance before, this evenings leads me to believe other wise. Thanks again to all those who helped make the beautiful marks. I would have put up and pick of my back and butt, but i guess what they say is true and i do have thick skin! 

Dec 7

Big day for me today and yesterday as well, now that I think about it. What a large burden lifted off my shoulders and now i feel i can breathe.

and with that wonderful feeling of refreshment

 Thank you DominarAK for the great shot!

Hope this makes someone else smile today because it made me smile to think that i can be sexy and a mother of 3!!!!!!

Dec 6

It sure seems like a rant and rave kind of day as I sit here on hold for bogus charges on my cc. Like I can afford to just give people money when I am dying to male my own money and not have to rely on anyone.

Dec 1

December 1

Every day you smile at one person just to see the joy on a persons face.You also get the feel the warmth in your hard from giving, even if it is something small. There are little joys and miracles in life that we so often forget to stop long enough to even take notice. Just for the future reference of this month. I do not do holidays very well. I am often referred to as the grinch in my family gatherings. This year I get to go to a Christmas party for my Master's job. I would say about 50 % of the people going to this dinner either think, know, or want to think that I am crazy. It ought to be interesting to say the very least. 

November 29

Well, it seems that I failed miserably at my challenge for the month of November.  The weeks have gone from good to worse and the only hope I have is that my Daddy can help me through. My head is spinning in so many circles, trying to figure out what I want. What do I want for me, for my little babies, for my Daddy? It feels like I am heading into a path of self discovery. I am just hoping that I do not lose my family along the way. I keep losing things and forgetting things. Making lists is useless because they either get tossed or turned into beautiful artwork by my 2 year old. Finding a normal pen or pencil in this house is like searching for treasure. All of O/our notes and to-do list have been written in crayolas. Wrestling is over now and its time to lure Daddy upstairs. Good night A/all. xoxo

Thanksgiving Weekend

After a long emotional week, I did not even realize thanksgiving was upon us. Our previous holidays have included large numbers of friends since being away from home and traveling. It was quite different to have just one guest at the house for dinner. The children were well behaved, and Master cooked dinner.
Thinking about it now, I would have much rather had our large "family" sitting around the table, spilling things  and having 12 kids running underfoot.

It seems that Master and I have quite a bit to learn about ourselves before we can even think about extending our family. Until, W/w have our own M/s relationship running smoothly and naturally, bringing in another person is not the best idea I would say. Until, Daddy and I learn the difference between discipline and play we have a long way to go.

November 22

It has been about a week and lots to report. The home has gone from smooth to chaotic. The children are going stir crazy being stuck inside for months. As for Master and I, things are moving slowly. Each day that passes I learn something new that he does not like and I suppose I am to remember these things? The whole polyamoury idea had quietly died down. Still a thought in my mind every day but not so much a boxed in idea anymore.
"Love should be multiplied, not divided"

Time Warp

For the past week, I have been feeling like i am living in a never ending loop of experiences. I have been a little girl with my mother. My father and I have had connected in ways that we have not in over a decade. My twin, best friend to the end is back in my life.
The end of my very wonderful week had a not so great end. Next week the negative energy of this Friday night will be filed away under those thoughts that well don't like to dredge up so much.
Leaving the negativite behind in in my cards.
Being with Laura again is bringing back so many feelings and emotions that I have not felt in close to a decade. She bring back emotions that I only had with her. I love my husband more than anything in the world.

November 6

After a long week with many new emotions, I can honestly say I feel at peace with my decisions. Master and my babies are the center of my universe. On Saturday, I attended a sub-circle and had wonderful conversation with many like minded people. I had a great time and even learned more about myself. I discovered that I actually do enjoy engaging in Age play. Our Daddy/girl dynamic has evolved slowly over the past decade and now my little self comes out very easily and without much prodding.
I added a new page of pics from previous years. Make sure to check that out.

http://submissivepet247.blogspot.com/p/life-before-ms.html?zx=dc14f973467b033f

November 4 Photos

Make sure you check the new page labeled photos at the top of the page. This page includes recently updated photos from our bedroom "dungeon".
http://submissivepet247.blogspot.com/p/photos_04.html

November 4

It's FRIDAY finally! The start of a great weekend, following a great week. Master and I have engaged in wonderful conversation, "play time", and our personal intimate time this week. Each day that passes I feel more comfortable in my decision to think positively.

It is the beginning of what is promising to be a very long winter. We have already seen below zero temperatures in this area. The animals enjoy going outside for very short bursts but that is about all we can handle. I know that in the months coming we will start to get restless and feel like we need something to keep our minds occupied.

Our collection of toys and equipment is coming along wonderfully. We have purchased enough chain lengths for 2 submissive pets. Master seems to enjoy playing with chain. The mere anticipation of the freezing (remember Alaska), silver metal touching my skin makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand, my pelvic area also tends to tingle just a bit.

November 3

The positive atmosphere is beginning to surround my friends and family. I have been working on craft projects to keep my mind busy. Making handmade personalized floggers is becoming a hobby of mine.  I enjoy picking out the handles and feeling the different materials I could use for the lengths. Color combinations and choices swirl around in my head. I feel like I could wander the craft store for hours.
Today, I also started the process for enrolling into college. Filling our applications and forms made me feel like I was back in high-school.

August 29 2001

8/29/2011

And now looking back there are so many signs. The way he was constantly pissed that I kept my body from him at night time should have been a clue. After our initial conversation, the first command he made was that I was never to “cocoon” myself in my covers at night time. I was to keep my body available to him. He had complained about my hair during our entire marriage, and when the subject rose of appearance control, he immediately commented that my hair was to never be gathered at the top of my head any more. He prefers it down, but a pony tail is acceptable if necessary.

It was a horrible day for me. I was awoken by the ringing of the door bell. I had no concept of time or place. I was in a trance as I ran to the door to see my bitchy neighbor there. She was making sure my daughter had gotten in the house ok since she had been locked out. I had slept the day away. I felt useless and ashamed. I could not even accomplish the simplest task as getting out of bed in the morning. When Daddy got home from work that evening there was a strange calm about him. Something was different, but I could not put my finger on it. He started up the steps to change as he always does and called me behind him. In our room he told me to lean over the bed. I expected him to climb on top and rub his cock on my ass, what I got was 5 HARD smacks with my plastic hair brush. I cried and he didn’t show any sort of guilt. In fact, he showed a glint of pleasure.

September 5 2001

9/5/2001

Master says when he puts His collar around my neck things are going to change. He says there will be consequences if I don’t obey his orders. Just the mere thought of him saying these things makes my body quiver in anticipation.

I should give a little bit of history before going any further. It’s been 8 years since Steve and I have been married, we have 3 children and 2 dogs, the whole 9 yards.  We married very shortly after the end of my Book 1 journals. We met online and married very quickly after. It was less than 4 months of living together before we made it official.

We have lived a very “vanilla” life. We’ve done lots of traveling and have spent time building our life and family together. He is a wonderful father, husband, and friend. He has been an amazing lover, always paying close attention to my wants and needs.

After living with my submissiveness buried for years, I finally took the plunge and talked with him honestly about my feelings. I was absolutely horrified that he would think I was disgusting. I was preparing myself for him to be totally turned off. I thought for sure he would go running when I told him that I needed him to dominate me in all aspects of my life.

August 28 2001

8/28/2011

Sitting here thinking, while the babies are sleeping, about the diagnosis I left the hospital with. Over 10 years, and one prior trip to the mental ward, I have never come home with an actual diagnosis.

Axis II personality disordersI

Cluster B
Personality Disorders
People with Cluster B Personality Disorders tend to act in Dramatic, Emotional and Erratic fashion. People with Cluster B disorders tend to have difficulty with impulsive behavior, they often violate social norms, and act out. They can be self-abusive and hostile to others. Personality disorders.

Borderline Personality Disorder (301.83)
Emotional and Interpersonal Instability
Rapid mood swings between ups and downs
Reacting strongly to separations
No clear goals or direction
Inconsistent
Frequently considers self-harm

http://ivy_league0.tripod.com/rhyme_of_the_ancient_wanderer/id20.html

The more I read about the doctor’s diagnosis, the more I agreed. I definitely have mood swings and I have always been very inconsistent and indecisive.

Do you ever get lost inside your own mind and don’t know how long you are there? You can’t tell how much time has elapsed without looking at a clock? There are times when I am alone, I have complete memories and conversations in my head. If I don’t use some sort of clock or tv show as a timer, sometimes I feel as if I wouldn’t know how long I had been sitting, laying, or picking. (which I will get into at a later time) Maybe, all these things tie into the “diagnonsense”.

August 27 2001

Let’s go back a few weeks.

8/27/2011

I have decided to start my daily journal again. It has been years since I have sat down and collected my thoughts on paper.  (electronic paper?) I just got home from the hospital. I decided that I needed a little break and change of meds and put myself in 2 days ago.

I am the sort of person that knows when I need help and it was not the first time I had requested the help of a loved one. I have lived on and off meds since I was 18. Going to the doctor and talking about my problems just seems like a normal part of life now.

Once I was in there, I wanted out quickly. The food sucked, the people were weird and I missed my babies.  The hospital here in Alaska was not as crowded or diverse as the one in Florida. It was more intimate and I got much more one on one time. After 2 days there, and plenty of time to think and speak about my inner issues, the doctor wrote my discharge paperwork. He finally changed my medicine, which had been needed for many years now.

November 2

I have decided that the "theme" of the month will be happiness and family. There has been so much negativity in our lives lately, we could use a break. I have found that setting myself small goals works well. I am going to try to focus on the positive things in my life. The view up here in the northern country has changed to white. White is the color of positive energy. Each time I look outside, I will remember my goal and smile.

November 1

It's the beginning of a new month. My goal this month is to keep my thoughts and feelings positive. I am exploring my relationship with my Sir and polyamory. Sir is showing a little hesitation, but the prospect of "her" moving in is extremely exciting to me. I am beginning to think about craft ideas and photo ops for the upcoming holiday season.
Sir and I have begun to expand our friendship base and have started attending parties and "munches" with like minded individuals. Our trust level rises with each day that passes. I trust my Sir to know what is right and wrong for my children and I. He is growing as a man with every "yes, Sir" received and disciplinary action he gives.
Since entering this new world of voyerism, pleasure, pain, respect and much misunderstanding, I have decided that I would like another woman in our family. As much as it sounds sexual, and believe me I know it does, to me the decision is not about sex. It is more about family and love and raising my kids to the best of my abilities. It is about taking care of my Sir to the best possible extent of my possibilities. Having another woman in our family would not only be an opportunity for me to make a life long friend, but for my children to have another Aunt. This also presents the opportunity for homeschooling, jobs, and the ability to move for our Sir if  necessary.        

September 15 2011

an unnamed pet

Master was very upset with me this morning. I was not supposed to go to sleep in the extra room. It was strictly forbidden the night before by Sir.  I tried to get into bed, but my mind was still racing with thoughts at that point. I only planned to close my eyes for one second, then just one minute.  My plan was obviously flawed, considering I was yelled at pretty extensively this morning. The yelling was completely deserved since I am so lazy and took an extremely long time to get out of my bed and wake up. Master was getting to the point of anger when I could finally drag my ass out of that bed after a mere 3 hours sleep.

I finally got my butt into gear but not before being commanded to pull one card. Master had left an entire list of things for me to get done today and left the consequence on pulling 3 cards if my chores were not accomplished.  After having to pull the first card for getting a late start I finally got in gear and got nearly ALL my chores finished before His scheduled arrival time. Thirty minutes prior to 6, I looked up from the kitchen sink to see Master standing there taking off his uniform shirt. “hi Baby” I mouthed, and he just smiled. I think he knows how much I really love to be surprised deep down.

This evening i was made to mop the kitchen floor while topless. I did receive a few good lashes from his belt because I told him I did not feel punished by this task. He whipped my tits. One at a time, giving both breasts 2 nice lashes with the belt.  He then ordered me to turn, which I hesitated to do at first. I think this angered him a bit. When the lash came, it was powerful across the very bottom of my rump. Once again, my Master had produced tears in his slave. He asked me if I felt punished enough now, to which I could not even answer. I crawled quickly over to him and he hugged me and smoothed my hair.

Later that night, while in bed I asked Master what I should call him around other people. Its not like im going to be crawling around on the floor naked in front of the children or when we have guests. I needed to know what Daddy wanted me to call him because Daddy didn’t really seem appropriate either. Baby, he said. You will say yes Baby. That and Daddy is of course always acceptable. After a few more moments of his scratching my back, I curiously asked what He would call me.  His answer did not shock me but it perhaps should have. We are going to treat you like the pilots. I don’t believe you have earned a name yet. We will give you a name when you earn one.  To my Master, I am not good enough, yet, even for a name. I hope than I can please Him quickly so that I may have the privilege of being named by my Daddy.